there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
