he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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