Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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