i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
