Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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