my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
