Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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