i need an iv and a liver transplant
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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