She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need moral support for this bender
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
