so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
