went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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