I just made out with a guy for $7.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
