Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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