I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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