Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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