why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I currently don't understand fingers.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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