Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
