ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
