I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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