Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
