it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize