so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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