i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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