You can't special order awesome
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
