I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
