She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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