if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
