my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
