Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
