I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
