OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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