so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
