Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
