The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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