Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
