I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
