last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
