Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
