Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
