If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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