scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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