I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
