I think I can smell my own vagina right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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