I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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