I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
