I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
