What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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