i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
should my penis look like a turkey
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
