took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
