and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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