just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
