Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
