I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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