Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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