I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
