I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
