I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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