it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
