U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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