I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
