remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
