Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
