mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
