so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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