watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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