I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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