i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
