cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
