I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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