If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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