hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I want a musical about memes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
