Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
